A Hypothetical Question About Roguish Bandmate Activity

Discussion in 'What's left to Talk About?' started by toomanycats, Oct 8, 2019.

?

A bandmate turns down your amp on stage during a performance. Do you . . .

  1. Turn it back up!

    12 vote(s)
    27.9%
  2. Pack up your stuff and leave the stage.

    0 vote(s)
    0.0%
  3. Be adult and professional by grinning and bearing it, then address the issue latter.

    31 vote(s)
    72.1%
  1. nomadh

    nomadh Well-Known Member

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    That's why I say go to the tape. I have had shows where me or another were down in the mix like the video but it was an accident. Anyone mixing then listening to the video would have profusely apologised but its just part of the problem of on stage mixing. One time my bass player who was mixing forgot to un pad the lead singer for most of a set. He felt horrible. The singer was pisse and hurt his voice but didnt blame him really. It may be part of the reason he quit later but we all understood the potential problems. The singer had the option to take over mixing but wouldn't do it. When a band splits $200 there's no room for a sound guy.I bar we play has a sound guy and things still get screwed up. I think the foh sounded good but I still had to play blind (deaf) because he wanted stage vol so low and he disappeared me in the monitors.
     
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  2. nomadh

    nomadh Well-Known Member

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    I agree with all your rules. Still trying to follow a few of them better. I would argue that although simple, its far from basic stuff. These are all rules of very experienced players and are usually the last things learned. I keep forgetting how much better things sound when I don't play at all. :)
     
  3. T100D

    T100D Well-Known Member

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    Maybe "rules" wasn't quite the right word—"rule of thumb" is a little softer—after all, "Rules are made to be broken …"
    And I'm sure we've all heard Jeff Baxter's story about being called in to add some sweetener to some tracks, and after an hour saying there was nothing needed—and he got paid!!
     
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  4. toomanycats

    toomanycats Well-Known Member

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    Update:

    I've communicated with the guy who turned me down, letting him know how I feel about it. I'm confused because while he sincerely apologizes and promises to never do it again, he at the same time seems not to even understand the ramifications of what he did or even why he did it. My confusion results from believing him on both counts. He's sorry, though he's not sure exactly why he did it. I referred him to the video so he knows exactly what I'm talking about.

    Of course I forgive him. Even though the result of his actions was harmful to my performance, I don't feel I have a right to feel slighted, because I now don't believe there was any malice or ill intent behind those actions. I've already said how much I like this guy, which was why there was an equal amount of anger and hurt involved in the incident.

    The important thing is that he knows how I feel and it won't happen again.

    Beyond that this incident will hopefully serve as a catalyst for "clearing the air" in the band. There are things that need to be discussed bluntly and openly.

    From the very beginning, when it was suggested I be brought into the band, some of the members enthusiastically wanted me, while others were hesitant and questioning whether a 3rd guitar player was needed in a blues band. It was nothing personal against me, I took no offense at their concerns, and in fact sympathized with them to some extent. For one, the money would be divided amongst more hands. Secondly, there was a concern that I would render others redundant or obsolete because of my skill level.

    While I was sensitive to these concerns, I was at the same time looking at the bigger picture. The way I saw it, my contributions to the band could lead to us all having a bigger "pie" to share, thereby rendering the economic concern moot. As far as replacing others, I saw more than enough musical space for me in the band, without stepping on the toes of others. I was able to play lead parts that were beyond the capability of anybody presently in the band. That not only would open up an entire new range of material they were able to cover, but would add great excitement to their performances. I would also free up whoever was singing at the time to focus exclusively on singing, on being a frontman. This would engage more with an audience.

    After performing with the band live several times under the auspices of a trial period, it was pretty much immediately apparent that there was a fuller sound, more energy, and an enthusiastic audience response to my inclusion in the group. So I was unanimously invited in. But being the "new guy" I still felt like I was on eggshells. I listened a lot and didn't talk, trying to feel out the power dynamics of the band. I didn't want to give the impression that I was coming in and trying to be pushy, change everything, or take anything away from anyone else. I noticed how some members responded defensively to suggestions that they curtail their own part, or alter the way they do things for the good of the band. Squabbling went on, as it does in any band.

    So for the last couple of months I've played it cool. There are many times on stage when I've watched a bandmate struggling with a guitar solo, when I know I can perfectly nail it; when somebody else plays a song intro the wrong way, when I know how to play it the right way; when somebody plays their instrument on a song when it's entirely unnecessary and actually hurts the sound of the band. For the reason listed above I have never said anything, though it has increasingly bothered me. There was talk of "taking the band to the next level" when I joined, though none of the changes that need to occur for that to happen have taken place. That I know how to make this band better, but have felt uncomfortable speaking up, has been a growing frustration.

    We're now at a place where all of this needs to be discussed openly. I don't want to be considered a "probationary" member, or of less stature in any regard. I have suggestions to make and I want to be able to voice them openly and honestly, without fear that anyone's feathers will be ruffled.

    Many of the things I want to implement are the same things you guys have suggested on this thread. I want to sincerely thank all of you fellas for your input and ideas. I value the wisdom of your experience tremendously. My Wife questioned why I would be openly writing about such a personal thing online, revealing all of this private stuff. I explained to her that you guys aren't some faceless text behind a computer screen. You guys are my friends. You are fellow guitar players and musicians, guys who gig and deal with similar band situations. Who the hell else is going to better understand what I'm going through and give me good advice? So thanks AGF.
     
    Last edited: Oct 11, 2019
  5. Tsukiyomi

    Tsukiyomi Well-Known Member

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    Excellent update, glad it worked out this way. I think the whole experience - and sharing it here - has hopefully been both helpful and cathartic, and while I absolutely understand your wife's point of view, this place isn't like many (most) others.

    Hope the air-clearing with the band has done the trick and kudos for having the balls to address it. (y)
     
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  6. rrobbone

    rrobbone Well-Known Member

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    I'm glad it's working out. Hopefully, they will hear your suggestions and understand that it comes from a place of wanting to improve the sound and performances. Sometimes, it's hard for people to get that less is more - especially if it's less of them.
     
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  7. Rollin Hand

    Rollin Hand Well-Known Member

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    Well, schucks......(turns toe in the dirt and blushes....)

    GROUP HUG!

    [​IMG]
     
  8. jtcnj

    jtcnj Well-Known Member

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    Glad to hear it didn't all go sideways.
    This should open up the idea of openly discussing how the overall mix is going at rehearsal or at the last gig.
    For the betterment of the band as an entity and a marketable product.

    Maybe they didnt know how to approach you to discuss that they thought you were too loud the previous gig.

    Cheers to the adventure continuing!
     
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  9. Chocol8

    Chocol8 Well-Known Member

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    Well, good to hear you raised the issue and so far it has been handled well.

    As for the other issues, like guys not able to nail a solo or play an intro right, you all have to be on the same page about what you want for and out of the band. You also have to be realistic. You aren’t going to make it big as a blues band these days, but maybe you can build a local following. How hard does EVERYONE want to work at that? Are some guys in it for the fun and just happy to be on a stage making music even if it isn’t perfect? At their ages, they may not get all that much better, but they can still have fun.

    That, and I have seen some pretty big artists play covers a little bit differently, and sometimes times pretty much butcher them. At the end of the show, if the audience has a good time, it is OK.
     
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  10. nomadh

    nomadh Well-Known Member

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    Things are sounding much better. There is almost always a way to work things out between good willed people. If you are convinced they are good willed thats great. They are behind on the knowledge and experience issue but if you have patience and handle it gently and you understand you may not be in a hard driving, business oriented, get as good as possible type band it should all be a lot of fun.
     
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  11. jamdogg

    jamdogg Well-Known Member Supporting Member

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    in my recent experiences, the suck of being in a band generally outweighs the joy. This coming from a guy who plays with family & friends LOL.

    TMC hope your band moves forward without much strife.
     
  12. Chocol8

    Chocol8 Well-Known Member

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    I once had a coworker say, “this place would be a great place to work if it weren’t for all the other people who work here.” Other humans generally suck. Sometimes it is worth putting up with them, sometimes it isn’t. Just remember, to everyone else, you are one of the other people!
     
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  13. jamdogg

    jamdogg Well-Known Member Supporting Member

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    I'll add to that - not only am I one of the other people, but I am also the weak link in any band I have been in!
     
  14. manco53

    manco53 Well-Known Member

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    Nothing like a little friction to move things in the right direction.

    Glad to hear this is resolving positively. Hopefully they don’t “forget” to mic you during the next gig!
     
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  15. Sinster

    Sinster Well-Known Member

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    Throat punch him.
     
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  16. Buddha Pickups

    Buddha Pickups Well-Known Member

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    I turned you down?
    monday-2.jpg
     
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  17. Fat Jack

    Fat Jack Well-Known Member Gold Supporting Member

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    Hope things get straightened out. He sounds all passive aggressive with the 'I turned you down , don't know why I'd do that" bit. The fact he told you he did after he did means he was aware of what he did he just may not want to tell you to your face why.Hopefully I'm reading it wrong and he is as dumb as a box of rocks.
     
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  18. Chocol8

    Chocol8 Well-Known Member

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    He could be going senile. I am quite a bit younger than him and already most of my Amazon prime deliveries are a surprise even though I ordered them a mere two days prior. At my current rate of decline, by the time I hit 60, I could probably turn a guy’s amp down and 20 minutes later forget I was even in a band. :D

    But passive aggressive, embarrassed to be called on it, or claiming ignorance to avoid confrontation are all more likely explanations.
     
  19. tonebender

    tonebender Well-Known Member

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    Next time he should get "two chops to the throat", ala Lavell Crawford's mama. He's already got the free pass. :sunglasses:
     
  20. Partscaster

    Partscaster Well-Known Member

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    Compressed air horn like boats use..... "lift the draw bridge", Bro !
     
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