Captain Beefheart's 10 Rules For Guitar Playing

Discussion in 'What's left to Talk About?' started by toomanycats, May 19, 2019.

  1. toomanycats

    toomanycats Well-Known Member

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    Captain Beefheart's 10 Rules for Guitar Playing


    1. Listen to the birds
    That’s where all the music comes from. Birds know everything about how it should sound and where that sound should come from. And watch hummingbirds. They fly really fast, but a lot of times they aren’t going anywhere.

    2. Your guitar is not really a guitar.

    Your guitar is a divining rod. Use it to find spirits in the other world and bring them over. A guitar is also a fishing rod. If you’re good, you’ll land a big one.

    3. Practice in front of a bush.

    Wait until the moon is out, then go outside, eat a multi-grained bread and play your guitar to a bush. If the bush doesn’t shake, eat another piece of bread.

    4. Walk with the devil.

    Old Delta blues players referred to guitar amplifiers as the “devil box.” And they were right. You have to be an equal opportunity employer in terms of who you’re bringing over from the other side. Electricity attracts devils and demons. Other instruments attract other spirits. An acoustic guitar attracts Casper. A mandolin attracts Wendy. But an electric guitar attracts Beelzebub.

    5. If you’re guilty of thinking, you’re out.

    If your brain is part of the process, you’re missing it. You should play like a drowning man, struggling to reach shore. If you can trap that feeling, then you have something that is fur bearing.

    6. Never point your guitar at anyone.

    Your instrument has more clout than lightning. Just hit a big chord then run outside to hear it. But make sure you are not standing in an open field.

    7. Always carry a church key.

    That’s your key-man clause. Like One String Sam. He’s one. He was a Detroit street musician who played in the fifties on a homemade instrument. His song “I Need a Hundred Dollars” is warm pie. Another key to the church is Hubert Sumlin, Howlin’ Wolf’s guitar player. He just stands there like the Statue of Liberty — making you want to look up her dress the whole time to see how he’s doing it.

    8. Don’t wipe the sweat off your instrument.

    You need that stink on there. Then you have to get that stink onto your music.

    9. Keep your guitar in a dark place.

    When you’re not playing your guitar, cover it and keep it in a dark place. If you don’t play your guitar for more than a day, be sure you put a saucer of water in with it.

    10. You gotta have a hood for your engine.

    Keep that hat on. A hat is a pressure cooker. If you have a roof on your house, the hot air can’t escape. Even a lima bean has to have a piece of wet paper around it to make it grow.
     
    Last edited: May 19, 2019
  2. Poodlesrule

    Poodlesrule Well-Known Member

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    The "drowning man struggling to reach shore" feels familiar ...

    Some hot list there, thanks for sharing.

    Ah, the hat.
     
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  3. bc rich

    bc rich Well-Known Member Supporting Member

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    Also helps to have a woman that likes long neck bottles and and a big head on her beer.
     
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  4. PsychoCid

    PsychoCid Well-Known Member

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    Very interesting.

    #8 is vital, and should be taught in every school everywhere, musical or otherwise. Perhaps there should even be laws against not following this rule. Ten years imprisonment for every bead of sweat wiped!
     
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  5. nomadh

    nomadh Well-Known Member

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  6. PsychoCid

    PsychoCid Well-Known Member

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  7. MarkW

    MarkW Well-Known Member

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    Can number 3 be modified for those of us who don’t eat bread?
     
  8. MarkW

    MarkW Well-Known Member

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    Maybe some jerky in front of a cactus?
     
  9. Fat Jack

    Fat Jack Well-Known Member

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    number 3: Could you substitute a beaver fora bush?
     
  10. toomanycats

    toomanycats Well-Known Member

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    Regarding number 4,

    if an acoustic guitar attracts Casper,
    a mandolin attracts Wendy,
    and an electric guitar attracts Beelzebub. . .
    does a bass attract this guy?

    Stay-Puft-Marshmallow-Man-Ghostbusters.gif
     
  11. PsychoCid

    PsychoCid Well-Known Member

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    Yes, if you have the right slime
     
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  12. RockYoWorld

    RockYoWorld Well-Known Member

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    I have no idea who this Captain Beefheart guy is but I can guess that he liked (likes?) drugs... :) :) :)
     
  13. Zipslack

    Zipslack Well-Known Member

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    Former sort-of "singer" for Frank Zappa and the Mothers of Invention.
     
  14. toomanycats

    toomanycats Well-Known Member

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    This album is considered his masterpiece.


    Captain Beefheart and his band live tv performance in 1972.


    Letterman interview 1982.
     
    Last edited: May 20, 2019
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  15. mozz

    mozz Well-Known Member Supporting Member

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    Read the Wikipedia on him, he was off the wall.
    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Captain_Beefheart

    Kind of reminds me of the first time I listened to Joe's garage, i thought "this guy is quite insane but there is music here, just way ,way different".
     
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  16. toomanycats

    toomanycats Well-Known Member

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    David Letterman: "Would you like a glass for that?"
    Captain Beefheart: "No, but the war is a pimple on a pope's bed dragon."

    David Letterman: "Ice Cream for The Crow? What does it mean, that title?"
    Captain Beefheart: "It has a lot to do with the Ray Gun. Saddle Sub-Saharan tosses jelly beans through a rope trick - he's a bad actor!"
     
    Last edited: May 21, 2019
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  17. SalteeDog

    SalteeDog Well-Known Member

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    Oh man you are missing out on some real special music. There was nobody like Beefheart. The question is are you ready?

     
    Last edited: May 20, 2019
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  18. SalteeDog

    SalteeDog Well-Known Member

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    Anyone for some music theory? This here is some serious analysis.

     
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  19. Manodano

    Manodano Well-Known Member Supporting Member

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    He's mighty wigged out, and talking some nonsense, but the elitist in me wants to believe that I'm brilliant enough to understand what he's getting at. Entertaining, and harmless enough, I guess.
     
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  20. tobijohn

    tobijohn The Great Enabler Staff Member Gold Supporting Member

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    This guy makes Rick Beato and his "What Makes This Song Great?" series seem almost Neanderthal...
     
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