Is This Soviet Cold War Mutant Possibly The Ugliest Guitar Ever Made?

Discussion in 'Guitars' started by toomanycats, Feb 14, 2020.

  1. toomanycats

    toomanycats Well-Known Member

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    One of these guitars popped up as a Reverb ad on my AGF homepage today. Like a car wreck, I couldn't look away and found myself wanting to get closer and gawk at the thing.

    Now the Russians didn't do too bad with that T-34 tank; and the Kalashnikov assault rifle, that one has sure had a helluva run . . . but boy did the Ruskies drop the ball with the Tonika guitar.

    Where to begin with describing the obscene, offensively ugly nature of this instrument. Any guitar that looks like its covered with a laminated slab of prosciutto is an automatic turn off for me. Not to worry, you're also given the option of 1950s green linoleum flooring if meat marbling isn't your thing. And that shape . . . what were they thinking? Is this supposed to be the Russians answer to Leo's space age Stratocaster? Seriously? Ha ha, nice try!

    There are several of these available on Reverb at the moment, many of them shipping directly from the Ukraine. Not too pricy either, though shipping is a bit steep.

    https://reverb.com/item/29127385-to...ssr-soviet-vintage-ships-from-usa-1970s-black

    https://reverb.com/item/32058499-tonika-electric-guitar-ussr-soviet-vintage

    tom.jpeg

    ton 1.jpeg

    ton 2.jpeg
     
    Last edited: Feb 14, 2020
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  2. toomanycats

    toomanycats Well-Known Member

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    Funky Soviet output jack BUMP. Looks more like a tube socket.

    yy.jpeg
     
  3. tvvoodoo

    tvvoodoo Well-Known Member

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    How much does it weigh?
     

  4. Mickey

    Mickey Gandalf the Intonationer

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    Two to three tonns. :)
    U-235 isn't light.
     
  5. Chocol8

    Chocol8 Well-Known Member

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    I have seem much uglier on Craigslist, and at least it isn’t a puppy killing headless abomination.
     
  6. Rollin Hand

    Rollin Hand Well-Known Member

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    In to provide the obligatory "In Soviet Russia, guitar plays you!" post.

    602343d7d60715b261cdc8cdd633a314.jpg
     
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  7. Pratteman

    Pratteman Well-Known Member

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    It's not Wangcaster, but yeah...pretty bad.
     
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  8. tvvoodoo

    tvvoodoo Well-Known Member

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    Robbone is always looking for interesting body ideas.
     
  9. Partscaster

    Partscaster Well-Known Member

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    Somehow reminds me of Goiter.
     
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  10. toomanycats

    toomanycats Well-Known Member

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    Yeah, but were they only one-offs?

    The Tonika was apparently the first electric guitar put into mass production in Russia, which would make it the equivalent to what the Tele (Broadcaster) was to the US. I'm trying to imagine the mindset of a people who came up with the Tonika "Blob" design.

    The unique shape of the Tonika is reminiscent of themes seen in Russian abstract expressionist painting, as can be seen in this work of Wassily Kadinsky.
    Kandinsky-composition-v-1911.jpg
     
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  11. tonray

    tonray Well-Known Member Supporting Member+

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    It looks like it was the real first electric guutar made by the Neanderthal 'Les Paul' Ogg. You can clearly see it's a dual function device, also capable of beating back hordes of Homo Sapiens trying to rush the stage
     
  12. DonM

    DonM Well-Known Member Supporting Member+ Supporting Member

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    My eyes!!!
     
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  13. ID10T

    ID10T Well-Known Member

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    It's a pound Mutt. I want it, if I weren't sneaking a guitar in next Tuesday I would have ordered it already. Green, Cold War.
     
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  14. tonray

    tonray Well-Known Member Supporting Member+

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    Will the Russian interference ever end? Russian tubes in our amps, Cold war guitars...make it stop..
     
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  15. Jaymo

    Jaymo Well-Known Member

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    Oh, God. The Commiecaster is fuggin' ugly.
    If I owned one, I'd nickname it "Stalin's buttplug."
     
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  16. Partscaster

    Partscaster Well-Known Member

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    Sputnik space potato.
    (Very yes!....for American Pigdogs)
     
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  17. tonray

    tonray Well-Known Member Supporting Member+

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    I'm glad you didn't name it Putin's buttplug as I've already heard that used for something else
     
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  18. Chocol8

    Chocol8 Well-Known Member

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    Was it an intentional mindset, or simply the combination of too much vodka and a bandsaw?
     
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  19. ID10T

    ID10T Well-Known Member

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    Just enough Vodka, too much band saw.
     
  20. CyFan4036

    CyFan4036 Well-Known Member

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    I bet they just bought a ton of cheap strat copy bodies and just lobbed chunks off to make a unique shape.

    In the vein of "any guitar is better than no guitar," it's a guitar. o_O
     
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