Let's Talk About Hell

Discussion in 'What's left to Talk About?' started by tvvoodoo, Jun 9, 2018.

  1. tvvoodoo

    tvvoodoo Well-Known Member AGF Registered Dealer

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    ok not trying to raise any kind of religious discussion, that there is one/isn't. Let's just say for entertainments' sake there is.

    Name the three ever-repeating TV shows or movies
    Name the three song playlist
    Name 1 breakfast, 1 lunch and 1 dinner every day
    What's your main daytime occupation 14 hours a day
    And finally what incessant noise keeps you from sleeping
    much at all each night

    Please don't confuse this with your Heaven, andif you wish, bonus us with what you did to deserve this fate.
     
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  2. uwmcscott

    uwmcscott AGF Survivor Champ

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    Hmm..I'll play

    Movies: Caddyshack II, Roadhouse and Jessie ( teen girls show...ever repeats at my house now anyway...maybe I live in hell already? )
    Music: Any 3 songs by Volbeat - vocals only
    Breakfast: French toast ( hate it, don't know why ). Lunch: Big Mac, Dinner: Lutefisk ( eat it once a year - that's enough )
    Job: Telemarketer
    Noise - People chewing with their mouths open.
     
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  3. rmfroyd

    rmfroyd Well-Known Member AGF Registered Dealer

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    Tv shows and movies should have been separate, but no one is perfect....

    TV-Friends, Seinfeld, anything my wife watches
    Music: Anything by Slayer, The Doors, or whoever sings the song from Frozen.
    Breakfast: Quiche. Fuck that shit
    Lunch: Salad. Nope
    Supper: Stir-fry. Nopeity nope.
    Job: Carpet Cleaner
    Noise: People chewing with their mouths open. God gave you lips, fucking shut them.

    I am sure my children would think this suffrage would be completely warranted due to the fact that I am such a miserable father to them.
     
    Last edited: Jun 9, 2018

  4. tvvoodoo

    tvvoodoo Well-Known Member AGF Registered Dealer

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    Tv shows / movies: The bachelor, teletubbies,
    And Any Ernest goes to ___ movie
    Music: Bebop jazz, Any sort of screamo, Donny & Marie greatest hits
    Breakfast: dry whole wheat toast, cold weak coffee
    Lunch: liverwurst and de-alcoholized cooking wine
    Supper: vegan casserole surprise
    Occupation: fixing impossibly buggy excel spreadsheets to work right
    That Noise: Yowling cats in heat while Toms fight over them

    IMG_0507.JPG
     
    Last edited: Jun 9, 2018
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  5. honyock

    honyock Well-Known Member

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    TV: Crappy You Tube videos with horrible animation like 3 Little Monkeys Jumping on the Bed, The Finger Family, and those stupid videos where adults open toys and play with them.
    Music: Pick any 3 bro-country artists...The one dude that tries to rap, the one that is wears a baseball cap all the time, and the one that is like a failed backstreet boy.
    Breakfast: Eggs Benedict
    Lunch: Tomato Sandwiches
    Dinner: Most anything my mother-in-law makes...
    Occupation: Handing out samples at Costco on Black Friday
    That Noise: Cicadas
     
  6. frozensoda

    frozensoda Well-Known Member

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    Location:
    Greater NYC Metro Area
    Three shows: any “reality” show with the word celebrity in the title.
    Music: Rock and Roll all Night, Trampled Under Foot, Sweet Home Alabama
    Breakfast: waffles with way too much syrup
    Lunch: cold udon noodles
    Dinner: plain undercooked potatoes
    Job: wallpaper hanger
    Incessant Noise: teenage girls arguing
     
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  7. Manodano

    Manodano Well-Known Member Supporting Member

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    1) Its an election year, and a) CNN, b) FOX, and c) MSNBC are all incessantly blaring at the same time.
    2) a) Any rap song where "nigga" and "fuck" are repeated several times, especially if my hellmates know every word and merrily "rap" along to it in unison; b) "All By Myself" by Eric Carmen; c) "Everything's Coming Up Roses" by Ethel Merman.
    3) a) I would be denied coffee; b) calimari; c) liver and onions.
    4) My daily job would be teaching my parents to use a VCR.
    5) I'd hear what the Nashville Guitar Center sounds like every time I go inside to buy strings or something.
     
  8. Jaymo

    Jaymo Well-Known Member

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    The View, any reality show, anything with Rachel Maddow.
    Rap, rap, and rap.
    Scrambled eggs with ketchup. Pickled herring. Anything with onions.
    Toss up between hood rats speaking ebonics and Politicians' diarrhea of the mouth.
     
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  9. RiverDog

    RiverDog Well-Known Member

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    THANK YOU!
     
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  10. DonM

    DonM Well-Known Member Supporting Member+

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    Three shows: Televangelists; The remake of Dragnet (ones with all the "hippies, potheads, and pill-poppers"); Infomercials- either Make a Fortune in House Flipping/or anything with Larry King
    Music: any rap; Joey Ramone "singing"; Avant Garde Jazz, (Plus, I can't stand those bro-country guys either)
    Breakfast: omelet with peppers, mushrooms, tomatoes
    Lunch: anything with sprouts
    Dinner: liver and onions
    Occupation: Door to Door sales
    Noise: someone cracking their knuckles
     
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  11. Tsukiyomi

    Tsukiyomi Well-Known Member

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    Get ready, this is a long one:

    Name the three ever-repeating TV shows or movies -
    TV:
    1. Long Island Medium/Pawn Stars/American Pickers-type shows (or any scripted 'reality' shows really. These examples just grate more than most);
    2. Any & all music 'talent' shows. I particularly hate the ones where we're supposed to be sneakily eavesdropping on contestants having conversations backstage before their performances, even though they're mic'd up and have cameras & lights on them;
    3. Two And A Half Men/Two Broke Girls - I hate that painfully unfunny nonsense with 'jokes' that you can see coming a month before they're even spoken and an audience that thinks a man who fucks anything that moves or a woman who's a happy idiot is shocking but hilarious.

    Movies:
    1. All Hallmark & Lifetime Christmas films. They all have exactly the same stories: man or woman is disillusioned with Xmas, goes to a new town (usually called Christmastown, Nickville, etc), argues constantly & has a number of misunderstandings with attractive (single) member of the opposite sex who loves Christmas and has a child who needs a new father/mother, etc., etc. Oh and the characters are invariably named Mary & Joseph, Adam & Eve or Frosty & Rudolph or something equally mind-numbing. Then they fall in love and the final scene has it snowing when it hasn't snowed in 50 years.
    2. Annie. I hate most musicals (except Grease & Oliver! I hate Annie more than I hate most musicals).
    3. Fifty Shades of everything. So bad I wish the male lead had been Silence of the Lambs' Buffalo Bill. That would have taught her not to hand her body over to a complete fucking stranger.

    Name the three song playlist:
    1. Anything by Kidzbop/Disney kids. You know, bratty singers who think the camera loves them as much as they love themselves.
    2. Anything by men who think it's cool to rap about their woman - what I call "Yo bitch" music. Examples would be Puff Daddy's bastardised version of The Police with "I'll Be Missing You"
    3. Feliz Navidad. You might think I hate Christmas, but I love it. But I fucking despise Feliz Navidad, mostly because it's a 'nothing' song. Writing two lines in Spanish then repeating them in English over and over for 4 minutes is NOT songwriting and it does my head in.

    Name 1 breakfast, 1 lunch and 1 dinner every day:
    Breakfast: Anything with eggs
    Lunch: Anything with salad
    Dinner: Anything with cabbage, especially boiled.

    What's your main daytime occupation 14 hours a day:
    Dog kennel cleaner. I love dogs, I hate their mess, especially the way if they're sick and you let them out they wait until they come back in to puke/use the bathroom all over the carpet, despite just walking around in circles for 10 minutes when they were outside.

    And finally what incessant noise keeps you from sleeping much at all each night:
    A neighbour playing a radio station that only has the Kidzbop kids performing the Annie soundtrack or Feliz Navidad. Or another neighbour building a deck/extension with hammer, nails & table saw 24/7.
     
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  12. warped

    warped Well-Known Member

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    Any of the 24 hr news channels (make you wanna blow your brains out right there)
    (c)rap, (c)rap and moar (c)rap
    brkfst...cold plain oatmel
    lunch..anything to do with cows tongue, tripe or pigs feet..(WTF are people thinkin'?)
    dinner...Octopuss from a can.. (that shit is hideous)
    Occupation: Anything to do with waiting on or serving the public. No, fuQ no
    Keep me awake?: since I don't sleep at night it would be garbage trucks roaming the neighborhood on trash day making the dog go nuts.
     
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  13. tonebender

    tonebender Well-Known Member

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    TV/Movies - Joel Olsteen, Dude Where's My Car, Mexican Wrestling
    Songs - Zyapph commercial theme song, Kars for Kids commercial theme song, Karma Chameleon
    Breakfast- Farina
    Lunch - Pickled Beets
    Dinner - Asparagus
    Occupation - Septic Truck Operator
    Noise - Concrete Piling being driven with an open-ended diesel hammer
     
    Last edited: Jun 10, 2018
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  14. toomanycats

    toomanycats Well-Known Member

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    I do believe this guys kinfolk lives next door to me. Motherf*cker is also addicted to mowing his lawn with a machine that sounds like a low flying Cessna, loves to play with chainsaws, leaf blowers, nail guns, basically anything that makes noise. His favorite music, which he likes to share with me, is modern country. He's also quite the firebug and burns smoky bonfires almost daily.

    I've thought about building a ten feet tall concrete wall, though I doubt even that would block out his insanity; plus then I would be doubly depressed at having wasted the money and effort.

    So yeah, I'm pretty much in hell at this very moment, so no need to fantasize about it.
     
  15. Raindog

    Raindog Well-Known Member

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    TV: 1. The Voice 2. Friends 3. The View

    Music: 1. Yoko Ono Screaming 2. Blue Suede's version of Hooked On A Feeling, played on scratchy vinyl, and the stylus is stuck in the middle of the "Ooga-cha-ga part" 3.
    Chumbawamba - Tubthumping

    Meals: Breakfast: Liver & Onions Lunch: Kale salad Supper: Liver & Onions

    Occupation: Mop boy in an adult peep-show

    Night Noise: Since I sleep during the day about all daily activity is equally annoying
     
  16. Gagoosh

    Gagoosh Well-Known Member

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    TV shows/movies: The Hallmark Channel 24/7
    Songs: Starship - We Built This City, any "Modern Country", the 1-877-Kars for Kids jingle
    Breakfast: Scrambled eggs with bits of shell
    Lunch: Anything from Burger King
    Dinner: Cold Spam sandwich on white bread with lots of Miracle Whip, creamed corn, tall glass of buttermilk
    Occupation: Proctologist in a town known for it's year round Chili Cookoff
    Noise: The incessant screaming of tortured souls (this is Hell, right?)
     
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  17. rrobbone

    rrobbone Well-Known Member

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    TV Shows/Movies: Almost anything televised today. In particular: the dumbed down and/or saccharine stuff made to appeal to people who have so willingly given control of their own brains up to anyone who will simply offer to do their thinking for them. This would unfortunately include any and all "news channels." I hate the phrases "reportedly" and "according to sources" especially - because this allows them to spew whatever sensationalistic bullshit they feel like making up without compromising those journalistic morals they're always claiming to strictly adhere to. Also: anything that starts a phenomenon like the Kardashians - or, even worse - their predictable and ever-present legion of copycats. At least the wave of Jerry Springer clones has subsided.

    Bonus: Any video that starts with the words: "Hey guys..."


    Three song playlist: I simply can't limit myself to just three songs that irritate me. Sorry to change the rules, but I can tell you that they would be played ad-nauseum across a Clear Channel radio station - meaning that the repetitively-engineered-made-for-the-lowest-common-denominator-non-thinking-for-themselves-me-too-sheeple "songs" would all be separated by the worst 17 made-for-the-radio-airwaves commercials set inbetween every damn song. Three minutes of shit music separated by 40 minutes of the exact same commercials in the exact same order advertising shit you neither want or need.... for eternity. It would also be played for you by someone who is genuinely enthusiastic about said garbage and is constantly trying to talk you into changing your opinions and liking it with them. Because: "how could you not?"

    This, essentially:



    Bonus: a twice daily three hour sit down candid interview with Gene Simmons to hear him talk about how wonderful he is. Again.

    Breakfast: anything raw, and hell's breakfast will not include coffee - evar
    Lunch: Anything eaten on a worktime lunchbreak, always rushed and with constant unnecessary interruptions
    Dinner: Seafood - in particular, things that once owned tentacles

    Bonus: any alcoholic beverage will taste the same and be as enjoyable as it ever was, but will unfailingly give you the worst cheap tequila level 50 hangover ever imagined - even if you don't have any more than just a tiny sip. Every meal will also feature extreme stomach upset, nausea, diarrhea, and epic flatulence. Or maybe that's just a part of aging.

    Daytime occupation: confined to working as a register jockey during a liquor store's busiest hours. I turned in my two week's notice on Friday.

    Bonus: It's state run (by Mormons) and located in a world famous resort town, where everyone thinks they're hot shit and the goddamn celebrities are the most friendly and courteous people you ever serve.

    Incessant noise: any talking heads or politicos trying to tell me what to think.

    Bonus: They are all forever wrong with the dial always just set to simple bitching, and never under any circumstances are they presenting anything remotely resembling a viable solution to anything, ever.

    Lose your face, lose your name - then be fitted for eternal flame.


     
    Last edited: Jun 10, 2018
  18. Raindog

    Raindog Well-Known Member

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    While I agree with most of what you say, you give the aura of a man (and no offense intended here at all) that is already in hell. I hope that your joys and passions equal your hellish items.
     
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  19. Mossman

    Mossman Well-Known Member

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    TV: Anything on TV right now... I pretty much hate all of it. But I think the television landscape is just a little better now that Rosanne is gone. :)

    To put a finer point on it; my TV Hell would be:

    Anything that has the word 'reality' in the description. Anything that has to do with celebrities (I really don't care about the intimate details of your lives, y'all). And all sitcoms... I think the sitcom genre squeezed every last drop of comedy out of every imaginable situation somewhere around the mid '70s. Now, sitcoms are so predictable, you can tell all the punchlines before they're delivered. I'm surprised the actors aren't bored with this shit by now... Comedy movies are rarely any better.


    Movies:
    I think movies have gotten progressively worse over the last 10-20 years, and all the stuff I used to like has been co-opted and ruined. Hollywood has completely run out of imagination. Everything's a prequel, a sequel, a remake, based on a comic book, based on a video game, or based on a children's toy! And now that the SJWs have taken over the film industry, they seem to think we need all-female remakes of movies that were perfectly fine the way they were. And you're not allowed to be critical of it.. Otherwise you get labelled a misogynist, or accused of being threatened by women.

    It's sad to say that the only movies that haven't consistently disappointed me have been the Marvel movies... And those movies are intellectually vacuous... I wonder if it occurs to the screen writers that super-heroes are the cause of the problem, as well as the solution.

    Those epic threats to the planet would never have shown up if they didn't have super-heroes around.


    Right now, my Hell would be having to watch the Last Jedi for a second time... Or another Adam Sandler 'comedy'. That guy makes like two or three movies a year now... And they all go straight to video... I think somebody should stage an intervention, or something.

    "Ooooh.... Adam... People stopped going to see your movies after 'Big Daddy'... This just isn't healthy."


    Songs:
    My Hell would be having to listen to commercial radio 24/7. The genre doesn't matter...

    Actually, I have a co-worker who puts me in 'Music Hell' quite frequently at work. If you compiled a list of every song I utterly can't stand, it would all be on this guy's playlist... He has the musical taste of a white, middle-aged, suburban housewife... He listens to the most cringe-inducing, shmaltziest stuff you can imagine.... Abba, Air Supply, '80s era Chicago, the Saturday Night Fever soundtrack (and anything Disco), the Grease soundtrack, the freakin' Village People for fuck's sake! And all those 'one-hit-wonder' female vocalists of the '70s and '80s. I don't even want to tell you how many times I have to hear 'Total Eclipse of the Heart' every day!

    And that's the worst part. He plays the same music over, and over, and over again... Sometimes the same song 3 or 4 times in a row! I often wake up in the morning with his music stuck in my head!

    That's Hell!



    Meals: Anything from a fast food chain. I stopped eating fast food back in the '90s, and as a result, it neither looks, smells nor tastes very good to me anymore, and I always have a 'bathroom emergency' about ten minutes after eating it. Sometimes it happens before I'm even done eating. It's very telling when your body consistently goes into immediate evacuation mode right after you eat something.

    Occupation: The worst job I ever had was working at a Tyson chicken factory. It was like working on an assembly line, except you were taking parts off instead of putting them on.

    They treated you like a biological robot... Like you weren't even a person. You got no breaks in an 8-10 hour shift except for a 35 minute lunch break.
    You practically had to get a doctor's note to go to the bathroom, and if you had to pee more than twice a day, they'd call you into the office to ask you if have some kind of medical condition!

    Yeah, my bladder can only hold about 16 ounces of fluid.

    You worked from 7:00 am until whenever all the chicken was done... If that took 10 or 11 hours, then "oh well". My knife hand was always in pain, swollen, and tingly... After a few months, the company sent me to one of their doctors who said he couldn't see how this was a work-related injury! But he recommended that I be put on 'light duty' for a month. This consisted of me standing in one spot, watching a belt full of bones and entrails roll by, and picking out anything that's still useful. Needless to say, a day lasted a week doing that job... It's a good thing I have a powerful imagination!
    On the last day of that month, I walked out the door at lunch and never went back.

    Honestly though, after having been self-employed, any 'job' is Hell to me.

    Sound that keeps me up at night: I have tinnitus, so I'm used to tuning out sounds. When I lived in Flagstaff, I had an apartment that was on Route 66, right across from the Santa Fe railway. The first time a train rolled through there, blowing its horn in the middle of the night , I jumped out of bed in a panic! Like I was being attacked by a monster! It was very loud and frightening at first, and I thought I'd never get used to it, and that I had made a big mistake moving in there... but after a week or so, it didn't wake me up anymore. During the day, I didn't even notice it.

    I suppose if you were playing a trumpet in my house all night, or revving a Harley outside my window, it would bother me, but I can't think of any incidental environmental noises that keep me awake all night.
     
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  20. tvvoodoo

    tvvoodoo Well-Known Member AGF Registered Dealer

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    You fellas never fail to disappoint - I had several big laughs - but if I could pick and choose from all your lists I think I could manage hell quite well.
     
    Last edited: Jun 10, 2018
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