Pro Rock Vocals Seeking Professional Band (queens)

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Partscaster, Aug 8, 2019.

  1. Partscaster

    Partscaster Well-Known Member

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    Pro rock vocals SEEKING PROFESSIONAL BAND (Queens)
    https://newyork.craigslist.org/que/muc/d/queens-village-pro-rock-vocals-seeking/6950336763.html


    6103906ffad6e71bd88fcb8401b1698c.jpg

    Hello. I am Dean. I'm pretty much the best singer you have never heard. Better than Brian Johnson, better than Freddie Mercury. Nobody can sing like me at least no one I have ever hard and I have been performing and listen to rock great since 1975. I've played over 250 gigs I sang in front of 3000 people 1989 and 1996 Lenin Stadium with band Kustom Kiev . I only play with the best for many years, heavy rock and pop music. If you think you can play like a pro, prove it - auditions spaces are limited and i don't have the time or patience to put up with amateur BS, etc, etc

    I expect only pure committed players with profess attitudes. this is for player who want to be taken seriously, we all have an dream but only some will be able to make it in trial of fire. This is the triel. There is no pay of course at first we are trying to assemble an professional band. So no payment but if you are loving only MUSIC then you realize as a professional the real reward is love of music, payment will come but not important.

    This is not a party everyone has to pay their due. How do you think guns and roses are so able to success? Please only the most serious and experienced players, I only recruit The Best of the Best. I have work with top performers including Zvi Yarma (Israel) and Bennie Mashivi of great Moscow band. For guitarist i am looking for style of players Richie Blackmore, Gary Moore, Carlo Satana. Please leave me you cell phone number and including date of birth. Must be willing to travel great distance for gigs.

    When I am not composing great music or practicing in a recording studio I am working out. You must be physically fit like me. No duds on stage. I also do not tolerate smoking, drinking alcohol, or drug use of any kind. Leave those habits at the front door. This is a serious project for only serious musician. I will be posting up a setlist of songs I require you learn. Please come to the audition with at least twenty five my songs under your belt.

    And please, do not waste time if you have girlfriend or family -- then i know you are not serious about music and will never make successful.

    Also, you are available to rehearsing during day on weekday and nights on weekends. And no lateness or excuses. If you are in other band, dont waste my time. You can only do one thing great, if you are split up amongst many band, you do not have, you cannot have time to star potential.

    We occasionally will play rigorous tour of halfway homes and rehab centers around country. You will pay for hotel room or sleep in van to show commitment to become rock star. Pay your dues man. You still think this is a sleepaway camp for little girl?

    You should be able to learn 85 cover songs quickly, if you acannot or wont not, please. do not even bother making reply because it shows you are weak musician who can never make rock star status.
    You don't want to rehearse 3 days a week? your are really loser in the music business.
    An example of our reherasl is:

    Mon: please show up at our rehearsal 9 a.m. SHARP. Rehersal normally in Long Island but often change address. Please do not bring guests, no woman, cell phones, or any food. there is a vending machine in the lobby on the first floor if you would like something to eat. You may bring your own coffee in a closed top container, however it is not allowed inside the actual rehearsal wrong you must please leave this downstairs in the lobby or in your vehicle if you are traveling in a car.
    Expect to be at rehearsal for at least 7 hours. There will be one 15-minute break at 2 p.m. for a lunch. You must return promptly at 2:15 p.m.

    If you don't like what is in the vending machine there is a supermarket about four blocks east past the Exxon
    This rehearsal setup will be the same every Wednesday and Friday. Please be aware we occasionally have surpris "pop up" rehearsals where are you will be required to be on site in no less than 1 hours time

    There will also be band meeting every other Sunday evening at our manager's house in White plains. Meeting starts at 8 p.m. and usually ends 11 p.m. sometimes longer. These meetings are MANDATORY ATTENDANCE
    Don't like it? Then you are obviously not serious about making it in the music business. This industry is very hard to break into, nobody gets a free ride, and any of so-called rock stars you see onstage have put in many hours and worked to get to where they are. we are not asking for much from you just a little bit of dedication and professional business attitude.

    We asked also you contribute to band dues every month $150. please deliver to manager Nikolai house in White plains every fourth Thursday of the month. This money dues is it important to keep band running i.e. rehearsal studio operate, running toilet, equipments, etc. How do you think lights are kept on in building? Some magical musical fairy? Everyone must contribute to this if you want dream to be true. Please place cash ONLY in large manila envelope (no small white envelope) please write you name and cell telephone phone number in clear on outside manila envelope. Please bring to Nikolai house Thursday every fourth of every month every week
    Also, you MUST bring photo id. If you don't have that i know you are.not a true professional. There is no air conditioning in practice room, so
    bring light clothings.

    Of course we like classic and rock artists like Beatle, Jimi Handrik but also new exciting and up to coming preform like Anuses for Eye, King DukaVitch, Old Felcher (Ukraine), Turd Blossom (Aus), Yevgeni Kachaturian.

    Pro respond only


    rock, guitar, professional, farm, stage, tour, gun and roses, singer, Queens, Brooklyn, anus
     
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  2. fullonshred

    fullonshred Well-Known Member

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    heh heh heh heh heh
     
  3. Partscaster

    Partscaster Well-Known Member

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    if its not a spoof, I bet someone could make a funny movie filming the progression of this effort.


    "You still think this is a sleepaway camp for little girl?"
     
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  4. jtcnj

    jtcnj Well-Known Member

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    Thats some funny sh*t there.
    It would be even funnier if this is a serious person

    I think I will respond I can do all these theengs but must be allow time in chasing for flying squirrel.
    He is name Rocky.
    He is has muscle goon Bullwinkle.
    They trying trick me, always.
     
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  5. ID10T

    ID10T Active Member

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    He is with connecting to strongest in Russian mafia, are being part in vending machine rocket.
     
  6. mighty_duck

    mighty_duck Well-Known Member

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    The fact that they included a zoomed in picture of that ridiculous face, makes it almost certainly a spoof. But well done!
    2abd9c50e5aec2889303df89e6ea5165.jpg
     
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  7. backinit

    backinit Well-Known Member

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    Only serious comrades need apply.
     
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  8. Dakooz

    Dakooz Active Member

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    I was reading it with a Russian accent...
     
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  9. andrewsrea

    andrewsrea Well-Known Member

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    I did not know if I should laugh or cry. That is the most pathetic stuff. Sadly, I've met people like that.

    For instance I knew a Dad from my kid's Cub Scout pack who was in his late 40's (about the 2003 timeframe), who told me he was the next Paul McCartney. His TSA job was only temporary until he could get discovered. Totally serious. I invited him into my studio to show me one of his songs (awful). He sat down on an acoustic and ran though a song. The my 10 year old who was just learning from tabs, jumped in on the acoustic and cleaned the floor with him. He still was very delusional afterward. I kept waiting for the punchline and never got it.
     
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  10. jam

    jam Well-Known Member

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    Only old school Soviet 'roids there.
     
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  11. Rollin Hand

    Rollin Hand Well-Known Member

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    He used to be an East German gynmast named Svetlana.
     
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  12. jhull54

    jhull54 Well-Known Member

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    Pretty hilarious. Looks like a cross between Bon Scott and Susan Boyle.
     
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  13. otisblove

    otisblove Well-Known Member

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    That picture has been around on the internet for years. Doesn’t mean it’s not him. I’m in.
    He had me at rigorous tour of halfway houses and rehab centers. I too am fan of Anus.
     
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  14. tonray

    tonray Well-Known Member Supporting Member+

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    Anyone who has worked with Bennie has got to be pretty good I guess.
     
  15. tonray

    tonray Well-Known Member Supporting Member+

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    I didn't know you could read Russian
     
  16. rrobbone

    rrobbone Well-Known Member

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    Eets fah-ny beecoz eets true, you capeetaleest peeg.
     
  17. dspellman

    dspellman Well-Known Member

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    Don't make fun of Russki singers. I'm dying to get together with this one:



     
  18. nomadh

    nomadh Well-Known Member

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    Had that when looking for a singer. You want to be nice but after the 4th guy you just want to say "Dude! Dont you think the guy who is here to get the singing job should be better than the guitarist trying to help you through the songs" Sort of "You have to be at least this good to sing". Or the woman who said she could sing some songs on the set list. When she cant seem to get started she suggest a song the band doesnt know but we take 5 min to learn it, flesh it out and she cant sing that either. It was so much like the 1st episodes of the early seasons of american idol. Its more funny and less cringy when it doesn't happen to you in person.
    The only good think about this is it has helped me and countless other guitarists learn to sing because "singers" can be so delusional and pains in the ass.
    Someday I hope to be good enough to be a diva prick. :)
     
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  19. nomadh

    nomadh Well-Known Member

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    Once again shes good but because I saw here I now have no ability to judge how good she is. Of course she is completely marketable because half of humanity will be in the same boat :)
     

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